The (I)CRVN Blog

Part two begins…

JULY

The Republican party got a sense of deja vu when the courts awarded the vacant senate seat in Minnesota to Al Franken.  India outlawed their ban on homosexuality, going against the cold-weather trend.  Citing a lack of “VP Candidate level perks and an inability to see much financial future in politics,” Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska to better help herself.  44 people, including three New Jersey mayors, were arrested for corruption and money laundering after no one told them the Sopranos was just a TV show.  South Carolina’s charge to infamy burst out of the gates in July when a Conway man was arrested for violating his probation.  He had been on probation for having sex with a horse.  He violated his probation by having sex with the same horse!  Sadly, this means that criminals practicing beastiality are more faithful than the state’s governor.

AUGUST

Figuring Bill was better than the other option, North Korea released the two jailed US journalists at the request of the more masculine (well, visually at least) Clinton.  Canadians everywhere rejoiced as Jeremy Roenick finally retired from the NHL, and moved on to annoy the TV and film industry.  “No Politician Left Behind” poster girl Sarah Palin protested death panels that did not exist and were also not in any form or draft of any legislation whatsoever.  Handlers suggested that no matter how dreamy she thought Heston was, she should stop watching Soylent Green constantly for ideas.  Cited for everything BUT job performance, Ben Bernanke was nominated for another term as head of the Federal Reserve.  A man from South Carolina (of course) died after he robbed a store having spray-painted his face to conceal his identity.  Edward Kennedy, longtime lion of the Senate, and the last politician to say that he cared about “regular folk” and actually do so, succumbed to cancer.  He will be missed.

SEPTEMBER

Kate Gosselin filmed a talk show pilot with Paula Deen, calling into question both the nature of fame and the need for talk shows.  The mayor of Willford in (say it with me) South Carolina issued an order preventing police from chasing certain suspects in order to save the town money.  President Obama gave an address via CCTV to students all over the country, stressing that they work hard and stay in school.  Republicans immediately adopted a “stay lazy and skirt through” policy, modelled after the successful plan of the previous president.  In an emotional and unplanned outburst, Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina yells out “You Lie!” at the president during his joint session speech about health care.  Wilson would be rebuked by Congress a week later not for his outburst, but for being from South Carolina.  YO! YO! I’M GONNA LET YOU FINISH, YO, BUT I GOTTA SAY THAT CALIFORNIA HAD A WORSE YEAR, YO! Moving on…  Mackenzie Phillips released a book about why we all prefer Valeri Bertinelli.  Glenn Beck announced on Fox and Friends that he believed Obama to be a racist with deep-seeded hatred towards whites.  Obama refuted these claims, saying that he loved “all people.  Well, except for the batshit insane white folks on teevee with no link to reality or sense of decency.”

OCTOBER

Rio De Janiero won the 2016 Olympics over Chicago with a simple proposal of “it’s the summer games.  Whose citizens do you really want to see in bathing suits?”  President Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for his July Beer Summit at the White House.  Tiger Woods led the US team to victory in the President’s Cup despite claims he still needed help with his putter.  Ballooning for Children becomes a nationwide rage, quickly replaced by attic hiding.  Roman Polanski is arrested in Switzerland for his 1977 charge of molestation, after he was told to come to Zurich to accept his Publishers Clearing House prize.  The Assistant Attorney General of South (wait for it…) Carolina, Roland Corning, was arrested when he was discovered in a cemetery with various “aids” and an 18-year-old stripper.

NOVEMBER

A heat wave swept through Maine, so the state repealed the new same-sex marriage law.  Analysts pointed to the new 10% unemployment rate as a clear indicator that the recession was over.  It was revealed that there was in fact water on the moon.  It was in a Deer Park dispenser left there from 1969.  The government changed the insurance regulations and standards to change the standard age for mammograms for women to 50, while changing the standard age for free viagra to “whenever a man damn well pleases.”  A 600 pound cow fell from the sky and landed in a swimming pool in…  South Carolina.  Oprah, clearly defying the Mayans, announced her show would end on September 11, 2011.  In response, Jon and Kate ended their television show, and a nation shrugged its shoulders.  Tiger Woods, again having driving problems, ran into the ultimate sand trap.

DECEMBER

President Obama announced on national television that there was a timetable for withdrawal from Afghanistan, but that immediately, troop increases would take place.  The mayor of Arlington Texas, Russell Wiseman, claimed that our “muslim president” strategically timed his announcement to deliberately block the broadcast of A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Obama responded that a real Christian would own the DVD.  GE was able to sell NBC Universal to Comcast by convincing the company that Seinfeld and Cosby were just on a temporary holiday.  The divorce of Jon and Kate Gosselin was finalized, thereby confirming the Republican’s drive to save the sanctity of marriage.  South Carolina almost made it a month, were it not for the announcement by state First Lady Jenny Sanford that she was divorcing her husband, once he got back from the Appalachian Trail.

*Sigh.*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

(Well – not you, South Carolina…  TRY to stay clean for 2010, okay?)

Part One…

To misquote FDR, 2009 is a year that will live in infamy.  Particularly if you are from South Carolina…  as I am.  While other states tried to take the spotlight from my home state, nothing worked, and my home state led with the biggest “WTF” moments throughout the year.  So, join me as I look back on a strange and screwy 2009, with a special focus on the inglorious, infamous events in and from South Carolina that proved that the South really isn’t all that deep.

JANUARY

The year began with Steve Jobs taking a leave of absence from Apple, prompting Circuit City to close from the stress.  U.S.Air pilot Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger successfully tested the new Hudson River test landing strip, using flight 1549 as a flotation device.  The year of infamy started for South Carolina when state Senator Robert Ford (a former confidant to Martin Luther King, Jr) entered legislation to ban “saggy pants” and profanity.  No one was sure if the ban on profanity was to quell still lingering “WTF” reactions to Ford’s previous legislation combining MLK day with Confederate Memorial Day.  In one of the longest ceremonies ever, which included a lip-syncing cello and the Mad Hatter, Jesus was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States.  The year’s other theme, “dubious fame for the overworked uterus,” began with a California woman giving birth to eight babies and one agent.  An ignominious end came for the Democratic Party / Hair Club for Men experimental partnership when Rod Blagojevich was formally removed from office in Illinois (his hair was finally extricated in June).  The month ended with Michael Steele, the only black man able to make Cliff Huxtable look more “street” than Shaft, was named head of the Republican Party.

FEBRUARY

The Pittsburgh Steelers won their sixth Super Bowl in team history, in an effort to help the city forget about their baseball team.  Macy’s cut 7,000 jobs, including the Simon Bar Sinister balloon, leaving Underdog no one to chase.  Photos “surfaced” of Olympic hero Michael Phelps trying to get a water-pipe out of its wetsuit.  The photos were taken, of course, in South Carolina.  Congress voted another stimulus package into law, guaranteeing the financial solvency of Bernie Madoff’s lawyers.  Facebook announced new Terms of Service policies, which were promptly protested by millions of users updating their statuses.  Hugo Chavez won a huge victory as President of Venezuela when he had term limits eliminated.  From his ranch in Texas, George W. Bush asked if it was too late to do the same here.  In a televised address to the nation, President Obama announced his plan to end the war in Iraq on August 31, 2010 or December 21, 2012, whichever came first.

MARCH

The year of dubious uterine fame continued with rumors that Jon and Kate Gosselin may be splitting up.  The individual agents for their 8 children had no comment.  (Gosselin is apparently French for “the public’s albatross.”)  New Mexico ended their use of the death penalty, prompting every anti-death penalty group in the country to take sole credit, even though no one was paying attention.  After a long and bitter power struggle the President of Madagascar, Marc Ravalomanana, resigned and was replaced by four penguins.  The U.S. pledged $40 Million to Afghanistan to ‘facilitate’ elections under the new “Cash for Kandahari” program.  A Greenville woman continued South Carolina’s march when after unsuccessfully attempting to secure a babysitter for her four month old, she took the child with her… on an attempted armed robbery.

APRIL

Vermont and Sweden separately legalized gay marriage.  North Korea launched a rocket in order to prove to the rest of the world that they still knew which way was up.  Sallie Mae brought over 2,000 jobs back to the United States from overseas.  All 2,000 were assigned to be tech support for India.  Kim Jong Il celebrated his re-election to President of North Korea by singing “To Dream a Dream” on “Britain’s Got Talent.”  Tax-day “tea-party” protesters cheered on Texas Governor Rick Perry when he threatened that Texas might soon secede from the Union.  Perry does not follow through, even though most of the country was fine with his plan.  South Carolina struck again when a wildfire that ravaged Myrtle Beach and environs was revealed to have been a small debris fire started by a man named Torchi and unsuccessfully snuffed by two different firefighters.  Just in time for the annual Memphis in May barbecue competition, Swine Flu reached epidemic proportions in the U.S.  Longtime Republican Arlen Specter changed affiliations and became a Democrat, citing he “just couldn’t stand that Lieberman guy anymore.”  Justice David Souter resigned, citing a similar feeling towards colleague Antonin Scalia.

MAY

Fifty-to-one long shot Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby, reminding the country for a moment that people still race horses.  Maine decided Vermont needed a partner and also legalized same-sex marriage.  Scientists revealed the discovery of a missing link of homo sapien, a 47 million year old primate nicknamed “Ida,” who had apparently died after having gone missing after asking for directions of early hominids.  In an effort to help consumers, Congress passed a law restricting the practices of credit card companies.  The companies replied by destroying the credit ratings of everyone in the country, and bombarding the airwaves with more of those “free credit report” singing ads.  A judge in California ended our collective gastro-suspense, throwing out a lawsuit by a woman claiming she was misled by PepsiCo and Quaker into believing that crunchberries were a real fruit.  The Chinese furthered their reputation for being community-minded when a man contemplating suicide by jumping off a bridge during rush-hour was pushed off the bridge by a driver tired of waiting in traffic.  California banned same-sex marriage, convincing everyone that same-sex marriage is only for those in cold climates.  Judge Sonya Sotomayor was chosen to replace David Souter based solely on her ability to intimidate Scalia.  South Carolina gets the last word in May thanks to a Waffle House waitress who pulled a gun on her customers when they complained that her service wasn’t of a high caliber.

JUNE

New Hampshire spotted an opportunity to finally challenge California for tourism dollars and legalized same-sex marriage.  China blocked any and all commemoration of the 20th anniversary of the Tienanmen Square conflict after entertainers submitted as the proposed opening theme “Tanks for the Memories.”  North Korea sentenced two American journalists to 12 years in prison, or until someone other than Hilary Clinton visits.  Former state election chair got South Carolina rolling in June when he compared first lady Michelle Obama to an escaped gorilla.  In Iran, President Ahmadinejad won a landslide re-election, confirmed by a careful scrutineering of ten percent of the ballots forged by his family.  Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf, after being arrested for breaking and entering, apparently only needs enhancement surgery to be an adequate example of every use of the word “bust.”  Jon and Kate continued their efforts to be the John and Lorena of the 2000s when they announce their legal separation.  Agents for their 8 kids had no comment, and rumors that Jon was dating the Octomom and that Kate was trying to re-form “Flock of Seaguls” were also dismissed.  Michael Jackson died suddenly, and was honored in a moving ceremony sponsored by Isotoner and Ray-Ban.  Jackson’s death was not enough to keep South Carolina out of the news, as it was revealed that Governor Mark Sanford did not like to hike the Appalachian Trail as reported, but in fact was flying back and forth to South America to have an extramarital affair with an Argentinian woman.  Most South Carolinians breathed a mild sigh of relief that Sanford was not sleeping with a cousin, which would have furthered the embarrassment of South Carolinians everywhere.

However…

The year was young!

Next week…  Part Two!

There is a gentleman out there that I would consider a friend (and not just in the “Facebook” sense) that I have to admit…  I am very jealous of right now.  Allow me a moment to elaborate:

When I was younger, I really wanted to be Bob Costas.  Not because I wanted to be shorter or have less facial hair, but because Costas had the coolest job in the world.  He was the host of NBC’s late-late night talk show Later, an half-hour interview program in which Costas spent the entire 22 minutes with one guest for an in-depth conversation.  No band, no gimmicks, just a real dialogue.

Costas interviewed a great variety of people from nearly every walk of public life, from Julian Bond to Dana Carvey.  These interviews would have you completely engrossed no matter who was being interviewed.  While Costas is a fantastic sports broadcaster, his real skill was in interviewing.

I wanted to be that Costas, able to interview anyone at any time, while dreaming that I could be as good an interviewer as Costas.

Well, my friend John Milewski of the Wilson Center in D.C. has done something very close to that.

John is the new host of the Wilson Center’s interview show Dialogue.  John (much like Cowher did Knoll) took over recently for the previous host George Liston Seay who passed away some months ago.  Dialogue is a show that I was familiar with before Milewski took over, but not a regular viewer of, and that is entirely my fault as it is the closest show you will find that resembles the old Later, with some Bill Moyers thrown in for good measure.  While I have teased John about doing a hockey show, he is in the perfect situation to do just that.  The format of the show is set perfectly to allow John to do a human rights show one week, and a show on the economics of sports the next.  Not only is the show set up to allow for such diversity, John has the chops to handle that broad range of topics as well.

I would highly encourage anyone who can find the show on their local PBS or MhZ affiliate to give Dialogue a chance, particularly if the topic piques your interest in the slightest.  I have no doubt that John and his production team will not let you down.

Now, if only John could find some way to get a certain sub-mariner into the set dressing…

* * *

John’s first episode as host and executive producer of Dialogue aired last night, with a round table discussion about the current and future state of the newspaper industry.  John’s panelists were Len Downie (formerly of the Washington Post), Allison Silver (Washington Independent and the Huffington Post), and Professor Paul Starr (Professor of Sociology at Princeton).

I have to say that I found a touch of irony in this topic, as John helped relaunch the Newseum in D.C. last year.

The basic direction of the discussion was “what’s next” for newspapers, and do they in fact have a future?  One thing I found interesting, but not surprising, was how connected each member of the panel was to their past and their expectations for the medium.  Downie, a former editor at the Post and an investigative journalist for the paper in it’s most celebrated past (the Watergate era), believed that the newspaper had its heyday from the early 1970s to the early days of the current internet era.  He also believed that the size of the bullpen today was still larger than when he was a reporter, and his concern was would editorial boards be able to make smart decisions as current newsrooms shrank to levels smaller than they were in the 1970s.  He also believed that with fewer corporate bureaucracies running things these days, journalists were taking over again.

Silver, a founding editor of the Washington Independent, agreed with some of Downie’s points, but also offered that the Vietnam era allowed journalists to become “rock stars” was the high point of the industry, with the gobbling up of papers and internet sites by conglomerates as the beginning of the downturn.  Where Downie clearly represented the old guard ideal of a newspaper journalist, Silver was very much the “new idea” representative, arguing that the industry was definitely changing, and quite possibly for the better.

Professor Starr kept to his Sociology roots, and theorized that newspapers have dominated for 300 years, and that it was the end of the 1940s that began the fall of the newspaper, and that the 1980s represented the real end of the newspaper.  Starr stated that this wasn’t just an American issue, but that the demographic of newspaper readership was in flux worldwide (albeit at different paces, regionally).  He also argued that newspapers used to be a sort of clearinghouse for several things: news at various levels (national, state, local), as well as puzzles, humor, entertainment news, sports, et cetera.  Now, thanks to specialization, if someone wants sports news, they go to ESPN.  If someone wants to do a puzzle, there are thousands of sites for that.  While he believed that there would be some sort of newspaper like publication in the future, it would not be much like what we have access to today.

Milewski brought everything together nicely with his bookend comments.  He opened the show with the idea that in the past the newspaper was a kind of citizen’s handbook for an involved electorate.  Today, with the various news sources available on the internet and television, everyone brings their own fact sheet to the discussion, and there is no more central clearinghouse for ideas.

There is a lot to be said there, and my only complaint for the show was that it wasn’t another 30 minutes longer to allow for a deeper discussion of that point.

Prior to electronic media, at best you had two or three sources for news if you lived in a large enough city.  Large metropolitan areas like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, for example, had more than one paper, to allow for the populace to select a particular viewpoint.  While the same can be said today with viewers of CNN, MSNBC, and Fox, the primary difference is that with newspapers up to the early 1940s, each paper still had a central theme of accurately presenting the news regardless of viewpoint.  The opinions of said papers were left to the Op-Ed pages.  Nowadays, anchors are screaming their opinions over each other, and viewers gravitate to whomever they think yells the best.

Newspapers currently are not able to compete with that idea (or volume), and thus they are slowly starting to collapse under their own weight, having enjoyed a boom in popularity prior to the 24 hour news nets.  (For what it may be worth, I think that the high point of the newspaper was during World War II, when newspapers were still faster than radio or newsreels in delivering news from overseas.  I do agree that the late 1980s and early 1990s began the downward trends in the industry, with the advent of 24 hour televised news and the internet.)

The new model may very well be the weekly magazine titled The Week, which culls stories from multiple areas and sources, allowing readers to get both sides (or more, if possible) of every topic, all the while delivering the supporting pages of news from sports, entertainment, food and dining, advice, and even a page of puzzles.  I would not be at all surprised if more and more newspapers went to a weekly summary format like The Week.  To me, it certainly seems like the next step in the evolution of the printed news format.

And that is the one thing I felt was missing from the first episode of Dialogue: a potential resolution of where, realistically, the panelists thought printed news was heading.  It would seem that the lack of such a discussion was due solely to the time restraints of the show.

Essentially, the show left me wanting to hear more from the participants, and a little upset that the show had to end…

But, isn’t that what all good Dialogues should do?

Well done all.  I’m looking forward to the next episode already.

My favorite artist died two years ago yesterday, of a sudden heart attack.  Comic news website Newsarama posted a nice remembrance of the talented artist.

I thought this was a joke at first.  But I really should have known better.  After all, well-off white people in a position of power tend to say some really stupid stuff sometimes.  Well – most of the time, really.

Missouri representative Cynthia Davis, on a June 4, 2009, post on her website did in fact imply that food need not be given to certain young people because “hunger can be a positive motivator.”

It should come as no surprise that Davis is also the founder of Back to Basics, a Christian bookstore.

Yep.

She’s one of those “Christian Republicans.”

Now, I have to say that I am friends with a few people that consider themselves Christian, and I have to say that there is a huge difference between the way my friends live their life and the way politicians who claim to be Christian “live” theirs.  This food issue is a prime example.

Almost.

Davis and others like her almost always cite the Bible as the reasoning behind everything they do or believe.  For example, they always seem to trot out that old classic “an eye for an eye” (often mis-quoted from Exodus 21) when addressing crime and punishment.  These are the same people, by the way, who beat themselves on the chest to show how virtuous they are in their “pro life” beliefs on abortion.  Apparently “pro-life” only extends to the point at which the cord is cut, when you consider how many “pro-life” people are also pro-death penalty.

I digress.

My point is that these people in political power that constantly quote the Bible seem to forget the existence of the New Testament.  You know – that part of the book with the red writing signifying both the words of Christ and the blood he spilt so we wouldn’t forget his messages?

Ah, that pesky New Testament… always getting in the way of Christians.

My friends know quite well the lessons from both Testaments…  I can only assume that it is so hard to keep track of which lobbyists gave you money for which illegal project, leading to these politicians only able to remember the Old Testament.

After all, if Davis knew the New Testament too, she would remember a few passages from Matthew 25 where Jesus said “For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in.”

Now, call me crazy, but doesn’t that passage alone give us all the right to help feed and clothe and house those fellow humans in need when we are able?

Children are supposed to be our primary resource in the world.  They are our future.  (Pardon the quote from the Masser / Creed song.)  It is our job as parents to make sure that our children are not denied any opportunity or right.  Including food.  If any child in the community cannot eat, for whatever reason, it is our job as caregivers to help.  If it is easier to help via school lunch and summer food programs, so be it.  To deny anyone in need under these programs on the very Reagan-like notion that hunger is a motivator is exactly the kind of cruelty and hypocrisy that has led us to being one of the most hated countries in the world.

While I’m on the topic of Reagan, let me quickly address his role in all of this.

When Reagan came to power on the heels of Carter’s failure in Iran – and I am one to believe that had Carter succeeded in winning the freedom of the hostages prior to the election, Reagan would have never been president. Reagan brought with him a philosophy that is borne from religious ideologues: the City Upon the Hill.  This is where that whole “pull yourself up by your own bootstrap” mentality comes from, and it is amazingly convenient an excuse for not helping out your fellow human.

You see, if you believe that people should help themselves, then you are off the hook to actually live the words of Christ, and allowed to sit there smug in your own stupidity and cruelty.  After all, if you believe that people should help themselves and something does not work for them, it’s not your fault.  Therefore, you are not required to do anything in the first place.

Until society gets desperate and performs some act of desperation on you, at which point you have the criminal justice system to lose those undesirables in.  Besides, since they are in prison, clearly they didn’t listen to you about their bootstraps.

Funny thing…  How can someone pull themselves up by their bootstraps if they don’t even have the boots to begin with?

You see, sometimes, even those people not on the hill need a push. And it would be very un-Christian of you to deny them that push.

Just a few lines later in Matthew, Jesus also says “Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink.”

Sounds like a bad move not to help, hunh?

(Postscript: Sarah Palin resigned, which is also a very un-Reagan like thing to do.  Riding the coattails of her unlikely bid for Veep she…  Quits?  Either something is wrong at home (did Todd have relations with a snow-machine?) or this is the worst political strategy ever.)

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, as we gear up for Squirmese’s 4th birthday and the obligatory bash therein.  Let’s begin the cranium clearing, shall we?

• Did we really need to have that much coverage given to the death of Michael Jackson?  While I agree he was influential to the worlds of Dance and Music…  It all seemed wildly excessive to me.
• A friend of mine, John Milewski, is now blogging regularly over at the Huffington Post.  He mostly blogs about politics and world affairs, but if our in-person discussions are any indication, he’s got a good hockey rant coming soon…
• I really cannot believe how idiotic Bernie Ecclestone and Max Mosely are.  First, they are allowing Formula One racing to fall apart thanks to their egos.  Secondly, Ecclestone actually said to a reporter how much he believed that dictatorships are a good thing, and that Hitler “got things done.”  He also suggested that Mosely, whose dicatatorship over F1 is what’s causing the potential breakup, would be a good Prime Minister for England.  Really?   The same nitwit whose father was the head of the British Union of Fascists and a supporter of Hitler and Mussolini?
• RIP, Mollie Sugden.
• For that matter, RIP, Steve McNair.  Whatever exactly happened (and I doubt we’ll ever really know) the biggest tragedy is that his family (particularly his wife and four children) have to pick up the pieces in a national spotlight.
• I just have to say that Gretchen Carlson from Fox & Friends is a real nitwit.  Of course, that means nothing has changed for her since her WRIC days in Richmond.  (Just ask her about Kevin McGraw…)
• Finally (at least for these mini-notes), did y’all see the story about the Chinese man who held up traffic at a bridge in Guangzhou?  He was threatening to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge, and after several hours, a concerned citizen decided to help the man…  By pushing him off the bridge!  This kind of compassion is clearly why people from North Korea are fleeing into China!
• More in the next two posts…

Another one of those multi-topic posts of whatever I’ve had on the brain of late.  Starting with:

• Apparently, not long after leaving office while giving a business address in Canada, former President Bush announced he would soon begin an international speaking tour.  Like his town hall meetings, the audience is to be preselected to his skills as an orator.  Bush hopes to be able to open for Raffi at least ten times this year.
• Alton Brown recently sat for a series of video interviews on the food blog Serious Eats.  The best is the description of some fried chicken he had during the motorcycle tour broadcast on Feasting on Asphalt.
• It amazes me that in today’s economy, where auto companies are severing ties with dealers (and not allowing said dealers to return the cars to the manufacturers) and nearly every industry is downsizing, that this online dealer remains in business.  After all, it’s hard to slum it in a $150 sundress.
• Caught a few minutes of a cooking show on American Life TV (yes – before a rerun of M:I) where one ingredient was referred to as Graham Masilla.  Ah, the wonders of diversity.
• A new football league is starting up.  No, not the UFL…  The LFL – the Lingerie Football League.  I’m guessing this is Victoria’s Secret.  (This, or that lingerie models stink in a 3-4 defensive formation.)
• Saw Star Trek with the wife.  Holy crap what a great movie!
• And finally, I’ve succumbed.  I’ve been borgified.  I’ve started a Twitter account.  Weep for me.

It’s been a pretty busy month for me – between work, family, and an independant web project.  Despite not having much time to post anything of late, I couldn’t let these two somewhat-related items go:

Within days of each other, a man in Houston was injured during a bank robbery when the dye pack in the money he stuffed down his pants exploded, and a man in Florida was denied permits to open a nude dude ranch.

What I want to know is what kind of rope tricks you perform at a nude dude ranch.  Also, was the dye in the pack blue?  I think you know where I’m going with that…

A while ago I talked about the nimrod on teevee shilling the Sham-Wow! and Slap Chop products.  Well, he’s back – sort of.

Vince Shlomi, as reported by Keith Olberman recently, was arrested for getting into a fight with a hooker in Miami.  Apparently, after seeing the Slap Chop infomercial, she wasn’t in love with his…

Nevermind.

Let this one write itself.

As I mentioned earlier, the family’s been battling a pretty heavy-duty virus for a long time now, and I am finally getting a moment to post some notes from the past few weeks (yes, weeks).  So, of course, I’m now fighting a doozy of a migraine, too…

In no particular order:

• The fact that the Bush administration’s last act was to triple the tariffs on Roquefort cheese imports is just ridiculous.  Not only is it a blatantly obvious retaliatory strike against the French for their banning certain hormones that are regularly injected into US beef, it’s also a really nasty move when you consider that the county of Roquefort’s economy is tied greatly to the export of the cheese.  Hopefully, in time, President Obama will reverse the tariff or at least reduce it so that this cheese can once again be imported at a reasonable rate, helping both the county of Roquefort and my cheese trays.
• Did any of you watch the NHL Super Skills competition prior to this year’s All Star Game?  Why were there cheerleaders?  And for that matter, did they all have to have such large breasts?  Was this Bettman’s way of making sure that he – for the day at least – wasn’t the biggest boob in the NHL?
• Many people were upset at the inauguration speech of President Obama, hoping for the next “ask not what your country can do for you” moment.  I for one am glad, and I was quite pleased with Obama’s speech.  It was direct, said what Obama believed needed to be said, and lacked the one thing that the previous administration had been shoving down our throats for years: catchphrases.
• I saw a picture of Amy Winehouse recently, and in all sincere honesty, my initial reaction to the photo was that Jamie Farr had really let himself go.  My apologies to Mr. Farr.
• Did anyone else catch the news that one of Bernie Madoff’s victims was an author who was working to release his latest book while being swindled by Madoff?  The title of the book is (and I swear this is true) Annals of Gullibility: Why We Get Duped And How to Avoid It.
• I saw a blurb recently about Heather Mills (the ex-Mrs Paul McCartney) that made me wonder if she’s just incredibly stupid.  She apparently cannot figure out why she’s become so popular with single men.  She thinks that it’s because she’s comfortable with herself.  I would think the $40 million she netted in the divorce helps.
• Get ready for Palin 2012.  Nitwit of the North has formed “SarahPAC” to help build a “better, stronger, and safer America in the 21st century.”  Right.  I’m not too worried.  First, Alaska is one of the hardest hit states in this recedepression, and secondly, PACs don’t tend to get Neiman Marcus Gold Cards.

That’s all for now.  Drive home safe.